Friday, June 27, 2008

Gen-u-wine Redneck style Traqmate mount

June 27, 2008


Castle Rock, CO – Today
Redneck Engineering is proud to announce the first in a long line of low-cost, marginal quality, handmade, paradigm-shifting parts and accessories for hardcore motorsports enthusiasts and people suffering the debilitating effects of Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS).

This amazing new product is years in the making, requiring dozens of man-minutes of labor and the use of state of the art MacBook Air computing power (and of course Microsoft PowerPoint -- what product would exist without
PowerPoint?). No expense was spared in it's construction. Only the finest first-cut endangered rain-forest lumber, Bald Eagle feathers, and freshly harvested baby seal pelts are used in the construction of these modern marvels.

Years of double blind testing have shown the 92% of males 21-40 prefer
their Traqmate mounted high on the dash where it’s easy to see and access the controls while on track. Additional research shows that 88% of E36 M3s still have the OEM cassette deck. From these data a revolutionary new idea – sure to be compared with such revolutionary ideas as the Wheel, Internal Combustion and the Hula-hoop, was born. As was our catchy slogan "Stick it in your slot".

The mount is a stylish TDK-SAX cassette shell designed to fit in the OEM M3 tape-deck. To this shell is glued a piece of high-tensile strength steel bent to an attractive 90 degree angle. It may appear to be from a Harbor Freight compressed air filter/regulator/oiler set, but this is only a coincedence. The bond between shell and steel, made with state-of-the-art two-part epoxy is impervious to water, sand, and sweat (I think). This durable piece of imported steel is then screwed to the Traqmate's mounting points with screws made of genuine metal. When inserted into the stock tape-deck, it places the Traqmate DU in a great position.
It is also easily to remove between sessions so the driver can download data. It is firmly mounted and doesn't move very much.

No animals were harmed in the testing of this product – well wait a minute, there were a bunch of bugs on the grill after driving back from Utah. OK, a few thousand insects were killed, but I doubt anyone will miss them.
So, stick it in your slot!

Redneck Engineering is a fictitious company and this is a fictitious product. This is Humor and was not intended to offend Rednecks or Engineers. For more information about humor, go to your local stand-up comedy club.

Press Pool Photos Only -- Fair Use Rights Apply
Traqmate and Cassette Shell (all tape removed). Note the fine metal work on the mount. After a grueling 10 year apprentice program are the finest artisans selected to assemble your Traqmate mount.

Reverse View -- marvel in the quality of the lima-bean colored finish. Notice the aggressive weight reduction

Without Traqmate

With Traqmate installed -- DIN Cable is router through center console and up through a small slot slot in the punch-out.

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