As you might guess, I'm a bit of a car guy - not a closet car guy - but an out, loud, and proud car guy. People at works are aware of this (see my office and you would understand) and frequently seek advice about cars. Mostly it's harmless stuff - "Should I balance my tires every time I rotate them?" or "How can I make my Saab faster?".
Every once in a while I get a zinger that gets under my skin. I was at a housewarming party over the weekend, and got one. While chatting casually with the owner of a nicely modified Audi S4 about big turbos, chips, and Iconel downpipes, a twenty-something party-goer wanders up, listened just long enought to decern the topic is cars and spews forth: "Yah, I'm lookin for somthin new, probly an SUV, but, you know a FAST one... which one is the fastest?" The irony of this question haunts me still.
The fastest SUV.
Ever see the soccer playing elephants in Thiland? Think Polo but with a 4 foot ball. a bunch of crazy Thais riding them like horses, really big horses. This was the image that formed in my mind as i wondered about the fastest SUV. Then I remembered that Hans Stuck had set some record (absolute I belive) lapping the Nuerbergring in a BMW X5 with a 600+ HP V12 LeMans engine.
When I tuned back in to the conversation, he had begun quoting horsepower and 0-60 times. He seemed pretty set on the Cayenne Turbo - 400+ hp and '60 in less then five. My Audi buddy was trying to explain how 400hp and a high center of gravity might not produce the best vehicle dynamics (especially in the hands of a novice driver I thought silently) but our new friend would hear none of it. Convinced of his superior knowlege, he bid us adue, "Later dudes", and walked up the street to an ancient VW Jetta. An anemic burn-out and the boom of too-loud subwoofers announced his departure.
My Audi buddy turned to me and said, "You can teach a pig to sing but it wastes your time and annoys the pig". Yep, that pretty much covers the myth of the fastest SUV.
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